Understanding Self-Sabotage: How I Learned to Overcome Fear and Embrace Success
- Harry Shelswell
- Jul 31
- 7 min read
Self-sabotage impacts many people at various stages of life - often in our careers, relationships, or personal achievements, and although you might think that it won't happen to you, if you are seeking to improve your life in a much bigger way than what it currently looks like today, you will likely experience self-sabotage at some point in the future, much like I did.
As I went through my growth journey, it wasn't something I had experienced until I started being brave enough to really go for the things that scared the hell out of me. And once I stepped out of my comfort zone to chase those BIG dreams, suddenly I was met with something that was equally as surprising as it was destructive - self sabotage. To my surprise, not long after my dreams started manifesting, I went into a stage of panic from fear of uncertainty, and a strange feeling of discomfort from having it all work out. Thus, creating more fear, leading me to run away from the very thing I had wanted all of these years. But fortunately, like anything, once you acknowledge your patterns, they are easy to overcome and remove from your life, and with what I am about to share with you, it will help you acknowledge and understand self-sabotage - preventing you from experiencing it in the future.
In this post, I will discuss the root causes of self-sabotage, and share the strategies I have used to rise above it, emphasizing the importance of consciously reshaping our belief system to welcome success.
The Primitive Roots of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is not a new issue; it has ancient origins, dating back to the days of cavemen where our ancestors had to make quick decisions while hunting. They would weigh up potential dangers against the benefits of the hunt, and If they felt the risk was too high, they would abandon the hunt.
Although in today's world, our decisions rarely involve life-and-death stakes, the primitive program still exists within us, leading us to react in similar ways to what our ancestors did back then. But instead of life and death situations, we confront fears of the unknown and discomfort from uncertainty. Moreover, a significant percentage of people actually fear success itself, which ironically blocks their path to abundance. For instance, a study by the American Psychological Association revealed that up to 70% of people experience imposter syndrome, where they feel they don't actually deserve their success, often leading them to underperform from lack of confidence and miss valuable opportunities.
The Comfort of Chaos
Many of us describe our lives as chaotic or challenging, and it is often ingrained in us that enduring constant hardship is a normal part of life. This belief is amplified by societal messages that portray struggle as a universal truth.
Consequently, our nervous system often becomes accustomed to chaos, viewing it as the standard way of life. Therefore, when positive changes occur, especially at a rapid rate, we may feel uneasy, as if something is off, or even feel guilty for our success. This discomfort can trigger a fear response, causing us to perceive our success as a threat, which usually leads us to experience the process I mentioned earlier where we evaluate if the danger is greater than the reward, and if it is, and our fear of success or the unknown is greater than our perceived reward or desire to achieve something, we retreat from our aspirations, self-sabotaging them as they manifest.
I remember many instances when I was close to achieving something significant, or even in the heat of the best chapter of my life, only to recoil due to a nagging discomfort and a debilitating belief that I wasn't worthy of my achievements, didn't deserve true happiness, or that something was wrong, ultimately leading me to self-sabotage my dreams.
Why It Is Important To Overcome Self-Sabotage
Overcoming self-sabotage is critically important for personal growth, success, and overall well-being, and anyone wanting to improve their life. Self-sabotage affects our behaviors, thoughts, and habits that hinder your progress toward your goals, often unconsciously. Therefore, recognizing and addressing these patterns can lead to a more fulfilling, productive, and balanced life.
Here is a detailed explanation of why overcoming self-sabotage matters:
1. Unlocks Your True Potential:
Self-sabotage keeps you confined within limitations you may not even realise you’ve set for yourself. By overcoming these barriers, you can access your full potential, achieve your aspirations, and develop skills and qualities you might have otherwise suppressed.
2. Builds Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem:
Engaging in self-defeating behaviors can erode your confidence over time. When you identify and work through self-sabotaging patterns, you reinforce a positive self-image, fostering greater self-trust and resilience.
3. Enhances Mental and Emotional Well-Being:
Self-sabotage often leads to feelings of frustration, guilt, anxiety, or depression. Addressing these behaviors helps break the cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, leading to improved mental health and emotional stability.
4. Improves Relationships:
Self-sabotaging tendencies can also impact your relationships — pushing people away, creating misunderstandings, or fostering mistrust. Overcoming these patterns promotes healthier communication, stronger connections, and more supportive interactions.
5. Increases Productivity and Achievement:
When you stop engaging in behaviors like procrastination, self-doubt, or avoidance, you create space for consistent effort and progress. This results in higher productivity and greater chances of reaching your goals.
6. Fosters Personal Responsibility:
Overcoming self-sabotage requires honest self-reflection and accountability. This process encourages you to take responsibility for your actions and choices, empowering you to make positive changes.
7. Prevents Regret and “What-Ifs”:
Persistent self-sabotage can lead to missed opportunities and regret. By addressing these patterns early, you reduce the likelihood of future regrets and increase your sense of control over your life.
8. Promotes Growth and Adaptability:
Facing and overcoming self-sabotage often involves confronting fears and limiting beliefs. This process enhances your capacity to adapt, learn, and grow through challenges, leading you to understand that anything is possible, and you do deserve the life you have dreamt of.
Overcoming self-sabotage is essential because it enables you to live authentically, achieve your goals, and maintain your mental and emotional health. It’s a vital step towards creating a life aligned with your true values and aspirations, allowing you to flourish both personally and professionally, and more importantly, do it with a smile on your face.
Change It Now Before It Happens Again
Self-sabotage is not something that only exists when our dreams arrive, it is a program that is running within us all the time, and a problem that will continue to impede into your life preventing you from having what you truly want. Self-sabotage is not just the action of you running away from the things you want as they arrive. It is also the subtle things like the negative self-talk telling you not to go in pursuit of your goals and dreams, or not to go on holiday because you don't deserve it, or not to go travelling because you are scared, or not to move forward with your new partner because it's "Too Good". Some of these things are a more subtle form of self-sabotage, keeping you trapped in your current situation, preventing you from living in abundance and having everything you have ever wanted.
If you want to have what you want, you have to remove the things preventing you from having them, it is that simple, and often the biggest thing that is standing in the way of us having everything we want, is actually ourselves.
What Happened After I Overcame Self-Sabotage
When I finally understood self-sabotage and developed the tools I needed to overcome it, my life dramatically increased in every way possible. Suddenly, all of the things I wanted to achieve and experience in my life started arriving effortlessly. The work opportunities I wanted, the clients I needed, the projects I wanted to start, the work I wanted to publish, and the relationships I wanted to have all started arriving in my life one after another. And the best thing about it was that I didn't self-sabotage it as it arrived. And it wasn't done in this constant struggle like before, it was done smiling, feeling excited, and welcoming the success into my life. When I finally understood how to deal with self-sabotage and equipped myself with the tools to overcome it, life just started flowing in a way I had never imagined, and that is why I have decided to share it with you. I have written a detailed guidebook for you to understand and overcome self-sabotage in a way that is applicable and effective for everyone. And the best thing about it is that it will only cost you £4.99.
For less than the price of a bagel, you’ll get practical tips and insights that will stay with you for the rest of your life, and help you take positive steps forward in the pursuit of your dreams. Inside this guidebook, you will find everything you need to recognise and overcome self-sabotage, and support you on your journey to feeling more confident, excited, and ready to embrace all of the opportunities that lie ahead.
If you want to learn how to overcome self-sabotage and create the life of your dreams confidently, click the link below and download the "How To Overcome Self-Sabotage" PDF.
The Continuous Journey Ahead
Overcoming self-sabotage is an ongoing process that demands patience and self-awareness. Doubts may still emerge, but with the strategies I have developed and explain in the "How To Overcome Self-Sabotage" PDF, you will have all of the tools and understandings you need to confront these challenges head-on.
By understanding the root cause of self-sabotage and actively working to reshape our views on success, we pave the way for a life enriched with happiness and potential. Each step taken toward overcoming self-sabotage opens new avenues and allows for a healthier relationship with our aspirations and others.
As you reflect on your path, remember that breaking free from self-sabotage is entirely feasible. Embrace the discomfort and let it lead you toward the success you truly deserve.
Serious About Change?
If you are serious about change and ready to take the leap of faith in the direction of your dreams, I offer affordable and effective coaching to help you uncover anything that is holding you back, gain clarity, confidence, and direction on your path, and build a balanced life while succeeding in your dreams.
Want To Learn More?
I offer a FREE online consultation for you to learn how I can support you on your journey. We'll discuss what's working, what's not, where you want to go next, and how I can help you get there. Visit my website www.happysoulscoaching.co.uk or get in touch with any questions you may have.
Written by Harry Shelswell - Happy Souls Coaching ©
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